Vices

I believe I am like most people, in that, on the days when I accomplish many tasks before I feel great. On the days, when nothing really gets done, I feel like a failure. I don't recall if I have mentioned here or not that in June I was put on some meds for my head. In May, I was very close to a complete mental breakdown. While I cry at commercials and songs, and so many things, I don't usually breakdown when someone ask me how I'm doing. That was how my May ended.

We've been adjusting to many things around here the last year and I think May just kind of topped things off for me. My Dad's health, of course, has been on my mind. I think he is doing better. His numbers are doing well and he hasn't had a blood transfusion in a few months. He was getting one every month at the beginning of the year, so I think he is doing better.

We have also had some family issues we've been working on that kind of managed to attach themselves to explosives at the beginning of the year. We are currently still working on things. And while some have improved, I feel others have worsened. No, John and I are great. No worries there!

The one big thing that is bothering me now is I'm now out of meds. No refills. I could probably call the office and get a new prescription, but I'm thinking I don't want to do that. I really want is to find a way to deal with all the stress we are going through without medication. Risky I know but further down the road would be so much better.

Yesterday the girls and I spent the day working on some things that have been stressing me around the house. It hasn't been "Hoarders" bad, but bad for me. In fact, the other day when I mentioned I'm a neat freak John laughed. I think he has forgotten my normal tendencies. Since we had children I've had to do a great deal of adjusting to the new "norm". Eleven years later, I still don't like it. So, yesterday the girls and I worked on a few of the major issues.

First, we rearranged the classroom just a bit. You see our classroom is also the gym, John's office, and the craft room. I stay away from the office and the gym part as much as I can, but the craft part was bugging me. Since we put in the girls new desks, I have wanted to move their school bookcase. We switched the school bookcase and the craft pantry. Now the crafts are closer to my desk and the girls books are in front of their desks. Somehow in my head it just makes more sense that way.

We also did a lot of general cleaning. Jesse still does not sleep through the night most nights, so having a clean floor all over the house is essential to me not hurting myself at night when she calls me. It also just looks better. I keep reminding the girls our neighborhood is filling up and one day we'll be at the point (hopefully) that friends will just drop by to chat or play. I don't want us to be embarrassed by our home. Somehow I think this just bothers John and myself and the girls could careless, but I'm still hopefully one day they will see it our way.

My friend, April, pointed out last week that while stress can be dealt with by medications it helps to find a way to relax. She is so right! I am really hoping to start yoga soon. I've been saying that for quite sometime now, but I finally have a place downstairs where I can actually do it and not be in the living room. Since we rearranged furniture a few weeks ago, there is plenty of room in our bedroom to stretch out. I even talked to John the other day about me having fifteen minutes everyday with no interruptions so I can meditate. I'm working on getting things together for all this, but I'm hoping by the end of this week I'll start with everything. Yeah!

Halloween: I'll get pictures posted soon. Today, we are baking two batches of cupcakes for the CCT S.T.A.R. after party, and working the show this afternoon. So many things to do. lol