Okay, so my birthday is coming up VERY soon and I'll be knocking hard on the door of "40", which leads me to the following:
Today, the girls and I went to my parents to introduce them to Rosie and to see my Mom for Mother's Day (yes, a little late-and I forgot her present...duh!). Well, they have been working on their garage and had a few boxes of things from my childhood for me to go through. I came home with a box of "stuff", things that were important to me then, that I remembered now. The most interesting item was the journal we had to keep in Mrs. Denton's 11th grade English class. I have to be honest...I had to read it (well, most of it). I was amazed by what I remember about that year and what I wrote about then. In other words, what was important then versus what my brain retained over time. There were guys I "dated" then who I can't recall at all now; and guys I "dated" then that still pop-up in my nightmares on occasion. It's strange how the mind works. I mean while you are in high school you think you are all so grown-up: driving, working after school, etc. But in reality, you haven't a clue what the world is about to slap you with and until you are there you have no idea how you'll handle yourself. Okay, my high school years are a FAR cry from most. I was neither the most popular or the most intelligent. I'd like to say, "but I was me". However, I don't think I was "me". I kept a lot, most, of my feelings inside (especially after one incident in Mrs. Denton's 11th grade English class-I never got over that one).
Twenty-something years later though I can say this: I am who I am (yes I like Popeye), and I'm rather proud of me. After everything I've been through (I think only John knows it all), I am stronger both physically and emotionally. I don't shrivel up and try to hide in the corner. I'm not painfully shy anymore (John always picks on me because I talk to everyone anywhere).
I've learned a lot about me in the last twenty-something years. I used to not be able to say this but I can now: "I like me, in fact, I love me." I am a loving, caring person that once I call you "friend", you can trust me with anything. I'm incredibly loyal to those I trust and love, but to those who cross me (I've learned from the past)...well, they are a much different story.
So, reading my journal from years ago was like seeing me, but not the whole me. It was interesting and makes me appreciate my life now even more.
5 comments:
Turning 40 wasn't so bad (well...it got better after about 2 weeks of being depressed), but you do start to think about things a lot more. Like family (doing things better and being more dedicated), friends (If they were good friends, they still are, even when I say I don't have friends anymore), and life in general (I am appreciating each and every day I get to experience). So, Marsha, join the club....but don't forget to send your dues to 620 Gray Street!
LOL. I still have a whole year before 40...I'll just keep knocking for now. :)
LOL Sonny - you are a character. :)
I'll keep agreeing with whoever said - 40 is the new 30 - so I don't think you need to worry about knocking on that door, Marsha. :) I feel a lot better about myself now than I did at 30 so I have no complaints.
That's great that your parents kept some things for you. I never kept a diary so I wouldn't have anything to really read but I have looked at my old yearbooks recently (darn FB making me re-live those years! LOL) and I don't remember half the people that signed my yearbook.
Hope I get to see you, the girls and Rosie soon!
I was just wondered if y'all had found your minds from back when you did the kitty cat post? :)
The "kitty", luckily, did not stay. I don't think the cat appreciated me taking the dog out and shooing it when it hissed. Oh, well. :)
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